suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
