tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
