chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
