i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
