Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
