I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
