With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
