His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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