She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
