a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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