If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
