I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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