Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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