just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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