...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
