alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
