Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
