I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
