Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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