I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Sober January is a disaster.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
