his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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