I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
