So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Holy shit dude........stairs
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
