You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
