Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
