I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
