ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
