I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
