She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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