Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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