shes about as inviting as chlamydia
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
