no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
