what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
