I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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