How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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