i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
