apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
