speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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