im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
