I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
