Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
