Jerry, you need to find god
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
