census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
