ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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