did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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