i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize