My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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