I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
