Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
