You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
