oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
